By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
