i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
