It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
