then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
