yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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