You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize