You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
