Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
