honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
