Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone shattered a urinal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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