I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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