I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drunk is not a location!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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