Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
