Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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