Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
