She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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