he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
