The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
