i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
