Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
