"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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