You're my little dorito
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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