I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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