Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
