Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
