Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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