Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize