My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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