I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
NoShamevember. You game?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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