I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
