I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This house was built for laser tag.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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