im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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