filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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