Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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