Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
