i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
