Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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