we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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