if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize