He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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