i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
