When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
