I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
