Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
