I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
