Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
