I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
