I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
