i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
