I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we're making bets on your personal life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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