Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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