she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
