He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
