i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
