In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
