Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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