I'm jealous of your bromance
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
