it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
