She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize