Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
