I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
