so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
