umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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