note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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