No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
