That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
