Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
