I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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