I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
