dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
