I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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