just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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