My liver just broke up with me...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
