Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
the raccoons are back...
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