It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm like, not good at living.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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