Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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