I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
