When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
