we're blogging at a bar
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
