Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got chris browned last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
