trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
