Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
