I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
