I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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