Quick, to the slutcave!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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